lessons in gratitude #1

I was walking down the hallway in the hospital to get a coffee from the cafeteria. My mind was wandering sleepily. It's so easy to get wrapped up here, in a children's hospital, in your own story and your own grief. There are so many characters here who lend perspective, if you let them. It can be hard to remember that, yes, today might be the worst day of your life, but it is also the worst day in the lives of many of these families. I was thinking about the last time time we were patients here. It was late at night, I was rocking my baby; he was doing well and I think we were discharged the next day. A child was admitted to the next bed, newly diagnosed with a brain tumor, and I tried not to listen as lots of doctors had a conversation with the parents, and the child was intubated and sent off for tests, and my heart broke for that family, and with gratitude that my baby's breathing tube was out and he was snuggled safe in my arms.

I think of that family a lot and wish them well.

Dark Plum and Spice Cake

I'm feeling sad, irritable and generally discontent. Our babe has been in and out of the hospital, the tomato plants aren't bearing fruit and I can't catch up with the clutter around here. I don't see enough of my friends and I haven't done any summer baking or preserving. I could stand to get a lot more exercise. I might get laid off.

But, our babe is 4 months old, a happy, cooing, kicking, smiley guy. My man and I spend quite a bit of time dancing in the kitchen, teasing each other, swatting each other, smooching. The summer is warm and predictably sunny, even if my mood is not.

Fall is in the air today, and I have five plums softening on the counter. Is there anything better for lifting one's spirits than handling ripe stone fruit in August? Might as well make a plum cake.

 This is inspired by Molly's plum cake at Orangette and what I had in the pantry. This cake is dense and moist but not heavy; the tartness of the plums plays nicely with the molasses and cinnamon. The next time I make it (and I will be making another one of these), I will play up the spice cake. Molly suggests quartering the plums and dropping them in at the end, but I wanted to display the fruit upside-down cake style.

Dark Plum and Spice Cake

5 plums
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup buckwheat flour
 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
2 pinches salt
1/3 cup molasses
1/3 cup agave & maple syrup
2 T honey
1 stick unsalted butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 cup milk
2 eggs

Halve and pit the plums. Preheat the oven to 350F and line an 8x8 inch pan with parchment paper. Arrange the plums cut side down in the baking dish and set aside.

Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl and mix well.

In a saucepan over low heat, stir the molasses, syrups, honey and butter until melted. Add the brown sugar and stir to combine. Remove from heat.

Measure 1 cup milk and whisk in the 2 eggs. (I use my pyrex liquid measuring cup for this and save myself a dirty bowl.)

Add the butter/sugar mixture to the dry ingredients and stir until just combined. Add the milk and eggs and stir until a loose batter forms. Pour over the plums arranged in the pan.

I followed Molly's instructions precisely here:
Bake for 35 minutes, then cover loosely with foil and bake 10-15 minutes more. The cake will still look soft, but that's ok. Turn the oven off, remove the foil, and leave the cake in there for another 15 minutes. Remove from oven, cool in the pan for 20 minutes, and then I turned the cake out so the plums are on the top.

It doesn't need it, but this cake could be dressed up with some loose whipped cream.

PS Have you seen those Italian cooking plums at the market? I'm intrigued, although I don't think I've ever seen them used in real life or in a recipe. I imagine they are good with lamb... what do you like to do with them?

I'm back, it's fall. hi.

Things are changing around here. I'm not sure exactly in which ways, but I would like to learn to use my camera and write more about food. I'm trying to live with more intent and purpose, spending time on things that bring me pleasure or that spread joy.

I'm not one for resolutions in January, but when the light starts changing and the wind starts blowing at the end of summer, I take the urge to renew and reexamine seriously. This is such a bountiful time of year; I'm feeling sad. Must refocus.

It's easy to live simply when tomato smashed on toast with salt and olive oil, and maybe some cheese, is the most satisfying meal.


My mother sent this text to my phone the other day:

All this is full. All that is full.
From fullness, fullness comes.
When fullness is taken from fullness,
fullness remains.
The Upanishads

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

e. e. cummings 




Wishing you a very happy new year.

I love fall cooking. Growing the babe means that I'm paying attention to my diet, trying to eat more whole grains, nuts, and green things. Have you tried honeycrisp apples this season? With some firm cheese and a cup of tea they're my favorite snack. Except, of course, for the quick breads. I'm taking inspiration from Deb at Smitten Kitchen and Jess at Sweet Amandine--in the last few weeks I've made banana bread, zucchini bread, a free-form apple tart, and now I have an apple cake in the oven. The kitchen is warm and the house smells delicious.

I'm reading a compilation of Elizabeth David's food writing, South Wind Through the Kitchen, something I picked up off the remainders section at my favorite bookseller. I've heard of her, but never read her, before now. Lovely! Charming! I can't wait for this baby to come, partly because I can't wait to see his sweet face, but mostly so that I can try some of these recipes with a glass of wine! I'm having a bit of grief, too, that grown-up kind that you get after you've made decisions that you're happy with, but sad because it means other paths are closed to you. I want to go to Provence! But until then, I'm happy to let Elizabeth David take me there.

This is the season I want to learn about pastries! I bought Tartine Bakery's cookbook recently, and I can't wait to try the croissants and brioche! Maybe I'll even learn to photograph them.

It's fall again

So much has changed. The spring was hard on me. I needed to get away, so I packed up my lovely flat on Alamo Square and went to Europe and Asia. I learned so much about food in Italy! It is so restorative to travel there, there is so much room to live your life: get up in the morning, have a cappuccino and cornetto standing at the bar at the neighborhood cafe, wander around the city eating gelato and snapping photos until lunchtime. Sit down, smoke a cigarette, dine alone on pasta or pizza and a carafe of wine. Wander into a cheese shop. Taste cheese. Duck into a cafe for an espresso and to use the loo. A museum. More gelato. More wine. Aperitivo. A late dinner. Enjoyment rather than entertainment.

My honey met me on a tropical island. We learned to scuba together, ate sexy soft sweet fruit, made some friends, and made a baby.

Now we're back, cozy in our new (to us) little house. I'm being a house wife for the moment, cooking fall food, and growing this babe. It's a boy.

I would like to write more, but mostly about food and baby. Learn to take pictures. My belly is getting big. I'm looking forward to a very cozy winter.

Getting deeper.

God is over all things, under all things;
outside all; within but not enclosed;
without but not excluded; above but not
raised up; below but not depressed; wholly above,
presiding; wholly beneath, sustaining;
wholly without, embracing; wholly within,
filling.

Hildebert, Archbishop of Tours, c.1125