Curried brussels sprouts with pasta and browned butter

These are the last of the carrots and bell peppers from the garden, and the first of the peas. Our summer garden failed miserably this year; over the weekend we pulled out the sad tomato plants, amended the soil with compost, and planted fall crops: more peas and carrots, lettuces, radishes, chard. The peas and kale we planted a month or so ago are thriving; I'm hopeful this winter garden will do better. 

Here is a simple fall dinner for you. We had pasta, but this might be better with brown rice or quinoa. The warm curry spices play off the sweet carrots and bitter brussels sprouts, and the browned butter marries it all together with nutty, fragrant, buttery goodness. I'd like to experiment with curry and brown butter more this fall.

Curried Brussels Sprouts with Pasta and Browned Butter

Preheat the oven to 400F. Clean and halve brussels sprouts and place in a baking dish lined with parchment paper. Coarsely chop carrots and potatoes and add to the dish with the brussels sprouts. Toss the veggies with salt, pepper, olive oil, and a dusting of curry powder and put in the oven for about 40 minutes, until tender. 

Meanwhile, put on the pasta water to boil. We used rotini. Rigatoni, bowties, penne, or any of the bite-size shapes would be good too. While the pasta cooks, put a few tablespoons of butter in a saucepan and carefully heat until brown. You need to keep a close eye on it, or it will burn and you will be sad.

Drain the pasta, put it back in the pot, add the roasted veggies, browned butter, a handful of parmesan and toss. Adjust seasonings to taste.

What breastfeeding mamas should know when your babe must be hospitalized

Breastfeeding was the obvious choice for my baby and me, and we were lucky that we had an easy time learning to nourish each other in this way. Moms who must exclusively pump from the beginning have their own set of challenges, I'm sure, but since I already had established my supply and my baby knew how to latch, when we were admitted to the hospital our challenges were uncommon and the hospital staff didn't anticipate that we would need help. I think some of our difficulty could've been avoided if I'd know more what to expect going in. I want to write about what I learned about pumping and breastfeeding.

My baby was 7 weeks old when he was hospitalized for the first time, and he was either not nursing, or not nursing well for 2-3 weeks. There were many times when he wasn't allowed oral nutrition at all, and I pumped during those times, and had no trouble keeping up with the demand. The third time he was hospitalized, however, was really difficult. He had surgery and was intubated for a few days, and I was pumping several times a day, just like the last times we had been through this. I got into trouble after he was extubated, when we were trying to transition back to the breast. It wasn't going well. The babe was either sleepy or agitated from the drugs and his ordeal, and not interested in the breast. I was skipping pumping sessions because I was hoping he would nurse, and before I knew it days had gone by and my supply was half what he needed. That is also when we realized that babe was not swallowing and it would be weeks or months before he could nurse again. He would be fed through a feeding tube, and I would be pumping exclusively. This news was devastating.

Our medical team knew I was committed to breastfeeding, and although everyone said supportive things and tried to be encouraging, their eagerness to "supplement" my babe's diet with formula irritated me. I felt that they were just humoring me and waiting for me to fail. They were genuinely happy and surprised when my supply caught up! Showed them! On a side note, when I went to Target to buy a breastpump, they gave me this coupon for $8 off a can of Enfamil. Shame on you, Target. Shame on you, Enfamil. This attitude is pervasive, but don't let it discourage you! Mama's milk is the best food for babies, especially when your baby in hospitalized.

I met with a lactation consultant, and she was very helpful, encouraging, and enthusiastic that we would get my supply back up. She put me on an intense pumping schedule--I was pumping 8-10 times a day--but my supply was still lagging. I was depressed! My breasts missed my baby's mouth and still felt full after 20-30 minutes on the pump. It was impossible to relax and I wasn't getting second and third letdowns in a session.

 Here is what worked for me:

1. Pump until the flow stops. 
2. Hand express for a few minutes on each side to empty the milk ducts. (Stanford did a study that showed a significant increase in production in moms who hand expressed after pumping.)  
3. If breasts still feel heavy, massage-stroke-shake to increase prolactin levels and help move the milk down.
4. Repeat these steps at least one more time.
5. Drink a big glass of water and eat a snack.

You only need to wait 40-60 minutes between pumping sessions. It is the frequency, not the length of time you spend pumping, that will stimulate your breasts to increase your supply.  In this way, you can pump three times in the morning (then take a 2-3 hour break), three times in the afternoon (then break for dinner),  three times in the evening (then go to sleep for 4-6 hours) and once in the middle of the night. It is a full time job! and I was very fortunate that I didn't have to work--I would not have been able to do this if I had been working. This crazy schedule isn't forever; it took me about 10 days to get my production up where it needed to be. Now I pump 6 times a day for 20 minutes. 

Pumping this way also became a spiritual practice and a way to deal with my grief. I would sit in the pumping room, plugged in, and meditate. I focused on my breath. I imagined holding my baby and his soft mouth.  I felt my pain. I imagined my babe enveloped in healing light. I thought about happy cows, standing in green pastures. Different things.  Around this time, I read a piece on tonglen from Pema Chodron, and then practiced breathing in the suffering in the PICU, and letting out healthy, healing, nutritious milk for my baby. Learning to relax long enough to let-down is essential.

 Here are some other general tips for when your baby can't nurse for any reason:

• Pump every 2-3 hours for 20 minutes, or however long/often your baby would nurse. Keep up your pumping schedule even if you think your baby will be able to nurse later. Your breasts are never totally empty, and you will make more. 
• Make sure you eat and drink enough. This is really hard, so get the nurse to help you with gentle reminders and by keeping your water pitcher filled. 
• Don't skip pumping sessions for any reason. Don't do it!
• Write down how much you're pumping. Make sure you're making enough in a 24 hour period. It's also helpful to write down things you think might affect your supply, like herbs/supplements you're taking, your menstrual cycle, your mood, diet, etc.
•  Snuggle your baby as much as possible skin to skin.
• Get one of those hands-free pumping bras. I love mine from Simple Wishes. (affiliate link)

A note on supplements:
 I took feungreek 3 capsules three times a day with meals, I drank 2-3 quarts of nursing tea (affiliate link) a day (I made it in quart-size mason jars), and I took More Milk Plus (affiliate link) tincture 4-5 times a day. I took a prenatal multivitamin, added a DHA supplement, and made an effort to get more omegas in my diet. It's good to eat lots of oatmeal (I add about a tablespoon each of flax meal, brewers yeast, and coconut oil to mine). I found that lactation cookies really work. They say that when you have enough fenugreek in your system your pee will smell like maple syrup, but mine never did. Maybe fenugreek just isn't a good herb for me, but I definitely noticed a difference within about 24 hours of taking the More Milk Plus tincture. It tastes like medicine, but it works. So do the cookies :)


I suppose I need to remind you that I'm not a lactation consultant, and this is not medical advice. I am just a mama who's been through it wishing you well.


EDIT 12/18/12:  I've had good results using fennel essential oil (affiliate link) topically once a day. Before going to bed, I mix a few drops essential oil with coconut oil in my hands and then massage into my breasts. I am only pumping 3-4 times a day now, but somehow still keeping up with baby.

November

It's November. Which means a lot of really cool things. A lot of my favorite things. Thanksgiving, of course. My birthday, and it's a big one this year. Nanowrimo, which I've never actually done, but every year I think how cool it would be, and every year I think, maybe next year. But this year I found out about National Blog Posting Month (how did I not know about this before?) so I might as well do it! I've had a lot on my mind, and a lot of ideas for blog posts, and a lot of half written posts.

I'm doing a good job giving myself the little push I need to do stuff around here. I got a hair cut, and I've gotten through a lot of filing and clutter that's been building up for years. I feel lighter! I feel happier and more competent. And I feel like I have time to do other things, like live with more intention and awareness. So I'm learning how to clean the house with vinegar, use coconut oil in everything, make rosemary-infused oil with herbs from the garden, keep up with the housework for once, cook creatively and use up everything, and generally live more creatively and sanely, with less waste, more good homecooked food, fewer chemicals, and, hopefully, more frugally.

When tomatoes are on sale at the end of the season, I halve, drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with herbs and slow roast for 3 hours at 200F. They keep in the fridge in a jar covered in olive oil for weeks and are delicious with eggs, smashed on toast, tossed with pasta, and straight out of the jar! Last week I tossed them with penne, sweet potato, kale, chicken sausage, and lots of fresh parmesan, and it was a total hit at my house. 

We got so bogged down over the summer, dealing with our babe in the hospital so much. I guess it was back in May that our doctor looked at us and said, "You better get in survival mode," and advised us to check into the PICU that day. We've been in survival mode ever since. We are working through our grief, and it's hard and painful and sneaks up on us like a puma sometimes. But there's room for it now. The door is open, it can come and go, this giant cat that lives with us now.

Thanksgiving is coming and we are hosting. There is so much to be thankful for! I am really looking forward to this feast. I am going to savor every moment of the menu-planning, wine-pairing, shopping, prepping, table-setting, all of it. This is the first time since I had my son that I've been looking forward to something so much. This is so sweet.

Time to figure out dinner. There are brussels sprouts, potatoes, and bacon to use up, and carrots from the garden to smash for the baby. This is how it should be.

Baby-growing Lactation cookie

These are not the prettiest cookies. They are brown and lumpy and they spread out in the oven so they look like they want to be crispy lace cookies, but they are only crispy on the outside, and inside they are soft and chewy and texturous. That's not a word, but it should be.

I started making these occasionally when I was pregnant and had a sweet tooth; these are good for breastfeeding mamas, too! I don't keep sweets in the house, except for homemade ones, sometimes, and then I try to make them count nutritionally. These have all the sugar and butter of a normal cookie, but they have more protein, fiber, iron, and good fats than their regular, white-flour cousins. So there's no need to feel too guilty.

This is a very forgiving recipe, if you can even call it that. I generally toss in whatever nuts, dried fruits, and flours I have on hand. Consider this a template and make them yours.

Baby-Growing Lactation Cookie 

3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup unsalted butter
2 eggs
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup white flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup flaxseed meal
1/2 cup buckwheat flour
1 3/4 cup good quality granola or oats
1 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
3/4 cup chopped raisins
1/2 cup chopped almonds
1 cup chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease your baking sheet or line them with parchment paper.

In a stand mixer, or by hand, cream together sugars and butter until fluffy, then add the eggs and vanilla and mix.

In a seperate bowl, stir together the flours, granola or oats, cinnamon, baking soda, and salt. Slowly add this mixture to the wet ingredients and combine.

Stir in the raisins, almonds, and chocolate chips (or other add-ins of your choice). Drop by teaspoonfuls onto the baking sheets. I like to sprinkle some coarse salt over the top before sliding in the oven. Bake 10-12 minutes. I get about 3 dozen cookies.

lessons in gratitude #1

I was walking down the hallway in the hospital to get a coffee from the cafeteria. My mind was wandering sleepily. It's so easy to get wrapped up here, in a children's hospital, in your own story and your own grief. There are so many characters here who lend perspective, if you let them. It can be hard to remember that, yes, today might be the worst day of your life, but it is also the worst day in the lives of many of these families. I was thinking about the last time time we were patients here. It was late at night, I was rocking my baby; he was doing well and I think we were discharged the next day. A child was admitted to the next bed, newly diagnosed with a brain tumor, and I tried not to listen as lots of doctors had a conversation with the parents, and the child was intubated and sent off for tests, and my heart broke for that family, and with gratitude that my baby's breathing tube was out and he was snuggled safe in my arms.

I think of that family a lot and wish them well.

Dark Plum and Spice Cake

I'm feeling sad, irritable and generally discontent. Our babe has been in and out of the hospital, the tomato plants aren't bearing fruit and I can't catch up with the clutter around here. I don't see enough of my friends and I haven't done any summer baking or preserving. I could stand to get a lot more exercise. I might get laid off.

But, our babe is 4 months old, a happy, cooing, kicking, smiley guy. My man and I spend quite a bit of time dancing in the kitchen, teasing each other, swatting each other, smooching. The summer is warm and predictably sunny, even if my mood is not.

Fall is in the air today, and I have five plums softening on the counter. Is there anything better for lifting one's spirits than handling ripe stone fruit in August? Might as well make a plum cake.

 This is inspired by Molly's plum cake at Orangette and what I had in the pantry. This cake is dense and moist but not heavy; the tartness of the plums plays nicely with the molasses and cinnamon. The next time I make it (and I will be making another one of these), I will play up the spice cake. Molly suggests quartering the plums and dropping them in at the end, but I wanted to display the fruit upside-down cake style.

Dark Plum and Spice Cake

5 plums
1 cup all purpose flour
1/2 cup buckwheat flour
 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp cinnamon
2 pinches salt
1/3 cup molasses
1/3 cup agave & maple syrup
2 T honey
1 stick unsalted butter
3/4 cup brown sugar
1 cup milk
2 eggs

Halve and pit the plums. Preheat the oven to 350F and line an 8x8 inch pan with parchment paper. Arrange the plums cut side down in the baking dish and set aside.

Combine the dry ingredients in a large bowl and mix well.

In a saucepan over low heat, stir the molasses, syrups, honey and butter until melted. Add the brown sugar and stir to combine. Remove from heat.

Measure 1 cup milk and whisk in the 2 eggs. (I use my pyrex liquid measuring cup for this and save myself a dirty bowl.)

Add the butter/sugar mixture to the dry ingredients and stir until just combined. Add the milk and eggs and stir until a loose batter forms. Pour over the plums arranged in the pan.

I followed Molly's instructions precisely here:
Bake for 35 minutes, then cover loosely with foil and bake 10-15 minutes more. The cake will still look soft, but that's ok. Turn the oven off, remove the foil, and leave the cake in there for another 15 minutes. Remove from oven, cool in the pan for 20 minutes, and then I turned the cake out so the plums are on the top.

It doesn't need it, but this cake could be dressed up with some loose whipped cream.

PS Have you seen those Italian cooking plums at the market? I'm intrigued, although I don't think I've ever seen them used in real life or in a recipe. I imagine they are good with lamb... what do you like to do with them?

I'm back, it's fall. hi.

Things are changing around here. I'm not sure exactly in which ways, but I would like to learn to use my camera and write more about food. I'm trying to live with more intent and purpose, spending time on things that bring me pleasure or that spread joy.

I'm not one for resolutions in January, but when the light starts changing and the wind starts blowing at the end of summer, I take the urge to renew and reexamine seriously. This is such a bountiful time of year; I'm feeling sad. Must refocus.

It's easy to live simply when tomato smashed on toast with salt and olive oil, and maybe some cheese, is the most satisfying meal.


My mother sent this text to my phone the other day:

All this is full. All that is full.
From fullness, fullness comes.
When fullness is taken from fullness,
fullness remains.
The Upanishads