Celebration Rigatoni with Sausage and Peppers

Maybe we were just happy that the race was called for Obama right as the pasta finished cooking, and the baby was sleeping, and the kitchen was light and cozy, but dinner was really yummy last night. (This confluence of events does not happen often these days.)

The baby had a busy day yesterday: a trip to the polls, then brunch, then he and I went to the market. Maybe I'm weird that I like doing the grocery shopping. I really enjoy it! My schedule allows me to go to a nice store, in the off-peak hours, and I have a sweet baby who loves to be worn in the ergo and look at all the food and people. So when we got home he was tired and hungry, ripe for being nursed down so the grown-ups could have a peaceful dinner. We really need to remember that babies are like puppies and need to be taken out and tired out each day.

This is a recipe I've been doing for years, tweaking it a little each time. Last night it was pretty much perfect. The most important thing is not to rush the onions and peppers. You want to let them carmelize a bit to really develop the sweetness. That tames the tomatoes and gives the whole thing a hearty depth of flavor.

 Celebration Rigatoni with Sausage and Peppers
 
1 pound bulk Italian sausage
1 large onion, sliced in half moons
1 red bell pepper, sliced
1 yellow bell pepper, sliced
1/4 cup red wine
1 28 oz can crushed tomatoes
1 bag baby spinach leaves
a few tablespoons heavy cream
1 pound rigatoni
a generous handful grated parmesan

Heat a heavy bottomed saute pan until pretty darn hot, and brown the sausage. Remove and let drain on a paper towel. Before the pan cools, add some olive oil and the onions and heat on medium-high until they just begin to brown. Add the bell peppers, season generously with salt and pepper, and heat until they barely begin to wilt, and turn the heat to low. Let them melt together until very soft, at least 30 minutes. Longer here is better. Use this time to make salad, load the dishwasher, drink wine, mingle with your dinner guest, set the table, or hush a crying baby.

Deglaze the pan with a glug of red wine, scraping up all that yummy browned sausage bits. Add the can of tomatoes and bring to a simmer. Put the pot of pasta water on to boil. Allow the sauce to simmer at least 20 minutes, until very thick and saucy. Taste and adjust seasonings. I contemplated adding some herbs here, but it didn't need it. The sauce should be very tangy and sweet. It should feel full and round on the tongue. If it doesn't, add salt and cook longer.

When the pasta water is boiling, add the rigatoni and cook until al dente. At this time, add the spinach to the sauce and allow to wilt. Add the browned sausage and allow to heat through. Just before the pasta finishes cooking, turn off the heat and add a few tablespoons heavy cream. Taste the sauce and adjust seasonings again.

Reserve some pasta water and then drain the pasta. Return it to the pot. Pour the sauce on top, add the generous handful parmesan, some pasta water to loosen the sauce, and toss.

Dish up. Serve with extra parmesan and/or a drizzle of olive oil.

Election day

Our little family walked to our polling place to vote this morning and then had pancakes at our local greasy spoon. The baby is too young to remember, but I hope he will be proud one day that he was there when Obama won a second term. I want him to learn that it's his duty to vote, and I want him to value justice, diversity, and social responsibility. I want to raise a feminist son.

Here in California, we voted for labels on GMO foods. I sure hope this is the start of national right to know campaign.

I am cooking dinner and drinking wine. Feeling celebratory. NPR's on the radio and my good man is putting the baby down. Maybe I'll bake cookies later. It's a good day.

Curried brussels sprouts with pasta and browned butter

These are the last of the carrots and bell peppers from the garden, and the first of the peas. Our summer garden failed miserably this year; over the weekend we pulled out the sad tomato plants, amended the soil with compost, and planted fall crops: more peas and carrots, lettuces, radishes, chard. The peas and kale we planted a month or so ago are thriving; I'm hopeful this winter garden will do better. 

Here is a simple fall dinner for you. We had pasta, but this might be better with brown rice or quinoa. The warm curry spices play off the sweet carrots and bitter brussels sprouts, and the browned butter marries it all together with nutty, fragrant, buttery goodness. I'd like to experiment with curry and brown butter more this fall.

Curried Brussels Sprouts with Pasta and Browned Butter

Preheat the oven to 400F. Clean and halve brussels sprouts and place in a baking dish lined with parchment paper. Coarsely chop carrots and potatoes and add to the dish with the brussels sprouts. Toss the veggies with salt, pepper, olive oil, and a dusting of curry powder and put in the oven for about 40 minutes, until tender. 

Meanwhile, put on the pasta water to boil. We used rotini. Rigatoni, bowties, penne, or any of the bite-size shapes would be good too. While the pasta cooks, put a few tablespoons of butter in a saucepan and carefully heat until brown. You need to keep a close eye on it, or it will burn and you will be sad.

Drain the pasta, put it back in the pot, add the roasted veggies, browned butter, a handful of parmesan and toss. Adjust seasonings to taste.

What breastfeeding mamas should know when your babe must be hospitalized

Breastfeeding was the obvious choice for my baby and me, and we were lucky that we had an easy time learning to nourish each other in this way. Moms who must exclusively pump from the beginning have their own set of challenges, I'm sure, but since I already had established my supply and my baby knew how to latch, when we were admitted to the hospital our challenges were uncommon and the hospital staff didn't anticipate that we would need help. I think some of our difficulty could've been avoided if I'd know more what to expect going in. I want to write about what I learned about pumping and breastfeeding.

My baby was 7 weeks old when he was hospitalized for the first time, and he was either not nursing, or not nursing well for 2-3 weeks. There were many times when he wasn't allowed oral nutrition at all, and I pumped during those times, and had no trouble keeping up with the demand. The third time he was hospitalized, however, was really difficult. He had surgery and was intubated for a few days, and I was pumping several times a day, just like the last times we had been through this. I got into trouble after he was extubated, when we were trying to transition back to the breast. It wasn't going well. The babe was either sleepy or agitated from the drugs and his ordeal, and not interested in the breast. I was skipping pumping sessions because I was hoping he would nurse, and before I knew it days had gone by and my supply was half what he needed. That is also when we realized that babe was not swallowing and it would be weeks or months before he could nurse again. He would be fed through a feeding tube, and I would be pumping exclusively. This news was devastating.

Our medical team knew I was committed to breastfeeding, and although everyone said supportive things and tried to be encouraging, their eagerness to "supplement" my babe's diet with formula irritated me. I felt that they were just humoring me and waiting for me to fail. They were genuinely happy and surprised when my supply caught up! Showed them! On a side note, when I went to Target to buy a breastpump, they gave me this coupon for $8 off a can of Enfamil. Shame on you, Target. Shame on you, Enfamil. This attitude is pervasive, but don't let it discourage you! Mama's milk is the best food for babies, especially when your baby in hospitalized.

I met with a lactation consultant, and she was very helpful, encouraging, and enthusiastic that we would get my supply back up. She put me on an intense pumping schedule--I was pumping 8-10 times a day--but my supply was still lagging. I was depressed! My breasts missed my baby's mouth and still felt full after 20-30 minutes on the pump. It was impossible to relax and I wasn't getting second and third letdowns in a session.

 Here is what worked for me:

1. Pump until the flow stops. 
2. Hand express for a few minutes on each side to empty the milk ducts. (Stanford did a study that showed a significant increase in production in moms who hand expressed after pumping.)  
3. If breasts still feel heavy, massage-stroke-shake to increase prolactin levels and help move the milk down.
4. Repeat these steps at least one more time.
5. Drink a big glass of water and eat a snack.

You only need to wait 40-60 minutes between pumping sessions. It is the frequency, not the length of time you spend pumping, that will stimulate your breasts to increase your supply.  In this way, you can pump three times in the morning (then take a 2-3 hour break), three times in the afternoon (then break for dinner),  three times in the evening (then go to sleep for 4-6 hours) and once in the middle of the night. It is a full time job! and I was very fortunate that I didn't have to work--I would not have been able to do this if I had been working. This crazy schedule isn't forever; it took me about 10 days to get my production up where it needed to be. Now I pump 6 times a day for 20 minutes. 

Pumping this way also became a spiritual practice and a way to deal with my grief. I would sit in the pumping room, plugged in, and meditate. I focused on my breath. I imagined holding my baby and his soft mouth.  I felt my pain. I imagined my babe enveloped in healing light. I thought about happy cows, standing in green pastures. Different things.  Around this time, I read a piece on tonglen from Pema Chodron, and then practiced breathing in the suffering in the PICU, and letting out healthy, healing, nutritious milk for my baby. Learning to relax long enough to let-down is essential.

 Here are some other general tips for when your baby can't nurse for any reason:

• Pump every 2-3 hours for 20 minutes, or however long/often your baby would nurse. Keep up your pumping schedule even if you think your baby will be able to nurse later. Your breasts are never totally empty, and you will make more. 
• Make sure you eat and drink enough. This is really hard, so get the nurse to help you with gentle reminders and by keeping your water pitcher filled. 
• Don't skip pumping sessions for any reason. Don't do it!
• Write down how much you're pumping. Make sure you're making enough in a 24 hour period. It's also helpful to write down things you think might affect your supply, like herbs/supplements you're taking, your menstrual cycle, your mood, diet, etc.
•  Snuggle your baby as much as possible skin to skin.
• Get one of those hands-free pumping bras. I love mine from Simple Wishes. (affiliate link)

A note on supplements:
 I took feungreek 3 capsules three times a day with meals, I drank 2-3 quarts of nursing tea (affiliate link) a day (I made it in quart-size mason jars), and I took More Milk Plus (affiliate link) tincture 4-5 times a day. I took a prenatal multivitamin, added a DHA supplement, and made an effort to get more omegas in my diet. It's good to eat lots of oatmeal (I add about a tablespoon each of flax meal, brewers yeast, and coconut oil to mine). I found that lactation cookies really work. They say that when you have enough fenugreek in your system your pee will smell like maple syrup, but mine never did. Maybe fenugreek just isn't a good herb for me, but I definitely noticed a difference within about 24 hours of taking the More Milk Plus tincture. It tastes like medicine, but it works. So do the cookies :)


I suppose I need to remind you that I'm not a lactation consultant, and this is not medical advice. I am just a mama who's been through it wishing you well.


EDIT 12/18/12:  I've had good results using fennel essential oil (affiliate link) topically once a day. Before going to bed, I mix a few drops essential oil with coconut oil in my hands and then massage into my breasts. I am only pumping 3-4 times a day now, but somehow still keeping up with baby.

November

It's November. Which means a lot of really cool things. A lot of my favorite things. Thanksgiving, of course. My birthday, and it's a big one this year. Nanowrimo, which I've never actually done, but every year I think how cool it would be, and every year I think, maybe next year. But this year I found out about National Blog Posting Month (how did I not know about this before?) so I might as well do it! I've had a lot on my mind, and a lot of ideas for blog posts, and a lot of half written posts.

I'm doing a good job giving myself the little push I need to do stuff around here. I got a hair cut, and I've gotten through a lot of filing and clutter that's been building up for years. I feel lighter! I feel happier and more competent. And I feel like I have time to do other things, like live with more intention and awareness. So I'm learning how to clean the house with vinegar, use coconut oil in everything, make rosemary-infused oil with herbs from the garden, keep up with the housework for once, cook creatively and use up everything, and generally live more creatively and sanely, with less waste, more good homecooked food, fewer chemicals, and, hopefully, more frugally.

When tomatoes are on sale at the end of the season, I halve, drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with herbs and slow roast for 3 hours at 200F. They keep in the fridge in a jar covered in olive oil for weeks and are delicious with eggs, smashed on toast, tossed with pasta, and straight out of the jar! Last week I tossed them with penne, sweet potato, kale, chicken sausage, and lots of fresh parmesan, and it was a total hit at my house. 

We got so bogged down over the summer, dealing with our babe in the hospital so much. I guess it was back in May that our doctor looked at us and said, "You better get in survival mode," and advised us to check into the PICU that day. We've been in survival mode ever since. We are working through our grief, and it's hard and painful and sneaks up on us like a puma sometimes. But there's room for it now. The door is open, it can come and go, this giant cat that lives with us now.

Thanksgiving is coming and we are hosting. There is so much to be thankful for! I am really looking forward to this feast. I am going to savor every moment of the menu-planning, wine-pairing, shopping, prepping, table-setting, all of it. This is the first time since I had my son that I've been looking forward to something so much. This is so sweet.

Time to figure out dinner. There are brussels sprouts, potatoes, and bacon to use up, and carrots from the garden to smash for the baby. This is how it should be.

Baby-growing Lactation cookie

These are not the prettiest cookies. They are brown and lumpy and they spread out in the oven so they look like they want to be crispy lace cookies, but they are only crispy on the outside, and inside they are soft and chewy and texturous. That's not a word, but it should be.

I started making these occasionally when I was pregnant and had a sweet tooth; these are good for breastfeeding mamas, too! I don't keep sweets in the house, except for homemade ones, sometimes, and then I try to make them count nutritionally. These have all the sugar and butter of a normal cookie, but they have more protein, fiber, iron, and good fats than their regular, white-flour cousins. So there's no need to feel too guilty.

This is a very forgiving recipe, if you can even call it that. I generally toss in whatever nuts, dried fruits, and flours I have on hand. Consider this a template and make them yours.

Baby-Growing Lactation Cookie 

3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 cup unsalted butter
2 eggs
1 1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 cup white flour
1/2 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup flaxseed meal
1/2 cup buckwheat flour
1 3/4 cup good quality granola or oats
1 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
3/4 cup chopped raisins
1/2 cup chopped almonds
1 cup chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 350 F. Grease your baking sheet or line them with parchment paper.

In a stand mixer, or by hand, cream together sugars and butter until fluffy, then add the eggs and vanilla and mix.

In a seperate bowl, stir together the flours, granola or oats, cinnamon, baking soda, and salt. Slowly add this mixture to the wet ingredients and combine.

Stir in the raisins, almonds, and chocolate chips (or other add-ins of your choice). Drop by teaspoonfuls onto the baking sheets. I like to sprinkle some coarse salt over the top before sliding in the oven. Bake 10-12 minutes. I get about 3 dozen cookies.

lessons in gratitude #1

I was walking down the hallway in the hospital to get a coffee from the cafeteria. My mind was wandering sleepily. It's so easy to get wrapped up here, in a children's hospital, in your own story and your own grief. There are so many characters here who lend perspective, if you let them. It can be hard to remember that, yes, today might be the worst day of your life, but it is also the worst day in the lives of many of these families. I was thinking about the last time time we were patients here. It was late at night, I was rocking my baby; he was doing well and I think we were discharged the next day. A child was admitted to the next bed, newly diagnosed with a brain tumor, and I tried not to listen as lots of doctors had a conversation with the parents, and the child was intubated and sent off for tests, and my heart broke for that family, and with gratitude that my baby's breathing tube was out and he was snuggled safe in my arms.

I think of that family a lot and wish them well.