Sunday, May 26, 2013

lessons in gratitude #2

I'm feeling tender and vulnerable the last few days. There are definitely more tender days now that I'm a mother than before; there's just something painful about watching your own inner child learn to toddle around.

We put him down for his nap this afternoon, thinking it was a good day to snuggle up in bed, read a book, and take a nap ourselves. Of course the baby didn't want to sleep. He fussed and yelled. Then there was a period of silence long enough to make us think that maybe he'd fallen to sleep. But then he'd fuss some more and we'd hear him standing in his crib and dropping things on the floor. We brought him to bed with us, hoping he'd vibe with us and we'd all fall asleep, but of course he just wanted to crawl all over us and pull my hair.

Anyway... eventually I got up, and fed him an avocado and some leftover pasta, but we were both annoyed with each other and not very friendly. He tried to make peace by offering me some rotini with his slimy little hand. He is so cute and sweet, and his heart is so pure that my heart melted and I felt like such a jerk for letting him fuss in his crib for so long. I let him put the pasta in my mouth, and I praised him for being such a generous little boy and thanked him for thinking of me. We played on the floor for awhile. I was so impressed with how he's understanding more words and he's getting so much better at moving through space and manipulating objects. When he smiles at me we share such a beautiful feeling of pleasure.

Then it was bedtime so we took a bath. He likes to drink water from a black mug with a panda face on it. We played with the rubber duckies. He likes it when I put one on my head, and when it falls off he stands up and puts it back on my head. He smiles and laughs and squirms with pleasure. His little belly was all sticking out, full of avocado and noodles, and his little hands dart everywhere like fish.

We play a game when we get out of the tub. I toss him on the bed and rub him vigorously with a towel to dry him. He tries to get away, but I catch him and say, "Is the baby dry yet? Nooo!" And I toss him back on the bed and dry him some more. He thinks it's sooo funny. He laughs and laughs and kicks his feet in the air, flips over like a turtle and tries to crawl away again. We do this 3 or 4 times before I take him to his room to dress him for bed. He was trying to squirm off the changing table as I was strapping his diaper on, so I sang "You are My Sunshine" and he quieted a little. I kept singing and making up verses as I put his pajamas on.

It is night, dear, and time for sleeping
You are tired, so am I
But when you wake, dear,
we'll have breakfast.
I will love you all of your life.

Things felt right with us when I put him down, and he went right to sleep. I still feel like a jerk, though. 
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